Here I am, January 7th 2013. 2013 is the first year of my life since 1968 that will not have Duke's physical footprint anywhere in it. That is a sad reality for me, one I was very much aware of on New Year's Eve when the clock struck midnight.

I want to write about my hope for a future, but right now I long for the past far too much.

It has been 8 months since Duke died. The silence in our home is deafening. I never fully comprehended that saying, but I truly get it now.
I am thankful for my grown children and my little grandchildren, but the pain of losing Duke still is so raw. Sadness is my closet companion right now. Other women that have been through this kind of loss tell me I will feel better in time but it doesn't feel like I
will.
The day after Christmas, my youngest son Brett and his wife Emily had my newest grandchild, a son, and my first grandson. Duke would have been ecstatic, as he was at the birth of our two granddaughters. This is perhaps the hardest part for me, that the grandchildren will not remember their Pop , who loved them so very much.
I want to try to move forward with this life without forgetting everything in the past. Duke and I were together since we were 16. He is in almost every memory of my past.
What will I do? I don't know. My heart hurts as I sit here alone. Please God, help me.